low_key_angel | A Choice

Sam hadn't even really had the chance to catch his breath before he was suddenly back in the Impala, dressed. He blinked in confusion, looking around as he braced a hand on the back of the seat. "Hey--"

For a moment, there was a rush of panic that maybe it was Lucifer's doing, maybe... maybe the whole 'I won't lie to you' had been crap after all. But no, he knew it was Gabriel's doing. Keeps his promises, huh?

He pushed himself to sit up and pushed a hand through his hair. Even the afterglow of what had been... pretty mindblowing sex wasn't enough to keep him from thinking about what had happened, what was going on. He scooted to the door and slipped out, looking around.

Right outside the motel where it should be, but Sam couldn't bring himself to go in yet. "Gabriel?" He started, uncertainly. Had he come with him? Would he pop up soon?

It’s a tricky thing, losing an archangel bent on chasing you down. But a few hundred years in hiding as a Trickster meant Gabriel had the advantage. He didn’t know what Lucifer wanted and he wasn’t dense enough to stick around and find out. Big brother was a loose cannon in all the worst kind of ways.

Gabriel?

That was a voice that would always stop him in his tracks. Halfway around the globe, he shifted course, rocketing back towards the Impala as fast as his wings would bear him. Sam called, Gabriel answered. That’s how it was going to be until the hunter told him otherwise.

A brief stir of air and the sound of muted wingbeats is all the warning Sam gets before Gabriel touched down a few feet away, hands stuffed in his pockets. He really can’t recall the last time he felt quite this awkward. “Sorry. I, ah, I didn’t think he’d just let us walk out the front door afterward.”

He also didn’t know if Sam would really be ready to face him after the fact. Unexpected declarations of love and coerced intimacy – did it really get more awkward than that? He didn’t think so.

Sam spun when he heard the familiar sound of an angel touching down and Sam kind of hated that he felt he was being torn in too many directions with what he felt. Relief, anger, worry... definitely this awkward feeling of not knowing what he should do. They were both cleaned up in the blink of an eye, almost like they hadn't been having sex moments ago.

But the soreness he felt when he stepped forward was a confirmation that it had happened. "Jesus, what were you thinking? What if he decided to not keep up his end of the bargain, huh. What if he killed you?"

Yeah, it was to go with that than it was to touch on the fact that Gabriel apparently loved him for... whatever reasons that Sam wasn't having an easy time seeing in himself anymore. "What did he do after I left?"

"I didn't wait too long to find out. Soon as I sent you here, I led him in the opposite direction. He didn't.. didn't get why it didn't end the way he wanted it to."

Well. That remained to be seen, really.

Lucifer had forgotten what love, what real affection meant. So he didn't understand why things hasn't immediately ended in anger and recrimination.

"I didn't want to give him a chance to change his mind. So I sent you here. Where you'd be safe."

Not the most eloquent of answers, but it was something.

"How was it supposed to end?" Sam frowned slightly, bringing up a hand to push through his hair absently, smoothing it back away from his face. He knows, he thinks. He wanted a fight, he wanted Sam to hurt Gabriel more, but...

How could he do that?

Of all the things to piss him off, this wasn't one of them.

"Forget it," he finally murmured after a moment. It's awkward again and he can't help the way his shoulders slouch a little with how tired he feels all of a sudden.

"Are you... okay?"

He wanted Sam to hurt Gabriel, he wanted guilt to sabotage whatever they could have been. Most of all, he wanted Gabriel to hurt. To have what he'd dreamed of and then have it taken away. Because Gabriel loved Sam enough to let him go. To make no demands.

"'m fine." Lies. "You.. you should head in. Get some sleep."

Gabriel wanted nothing more than to touch him, just to reassure himself that Sam really was okay. But he just stuffed his hands deeper into his pockets. "I'll, ah, I can keep watch out here."

"I'm not that tired yet." Also a lie. Maybe he wasn't exhausted physically exactly, but mentally and every other way? Yeah, totally. He let out a sigh and slowly approached the angel. He didn't get too close though, not yet. He didn't think either of them were ready for that.

"You don't have to keep watch. You--" He paused, biting at the inside of his cheek lightly. He wasn't sure what to say here, how to smooth things over again.

"I didn't call you for that. I just wanted to make sure you were alright, that's all."

"I'll be okay, Sam." He'd be okay because he had to be. Because there was no other way for him to be. "It's okay."

It wasn't okay and they both knew it. But what else could Gabriel tell him? He wouldn't lie to him, and he couldn't apologize for being in love with him.

"You don't have to. It's.. Christ, Sam," he blew out his breath. "I'll live."

"I don't understand why you'd choose... me of all people." He shrugged. He could let it go. He knew that. He knew Gabriel wouldn't force the issue, but part of him couldn't let it go. He just wished he knew what to do next.

"I don't feel okay with just leaving this as it is, not after what you showed me back there, man." His jaw tightened briefly.

"And what did you mean, you were going to help me push him back into the Cage? Do you really think it's possible?"

His smile was brief, a flicker before out was gone again. "That.s because you don't see yourself the way I do. You shine like a star, Sam. Brighter than anyone I've ever seen. You've been lied to, manipulated, hurt and it hasn't made you bitter. It's made you kind."

"Now it's your turn. Tell me what you want. Do I get lost, do you need to figure this out?"

The keys to the cage. Slowly he nodded. "I'll help you lock him up again."

Sam had to look down at that, but he was smiling a little. It caught him off guard, to hear Gabriel say that about him, to hear an angel say he was anything besides some sort of abomination. He appreciated it though. "I don't know... and I realize that's not an answer. I don't want you to leave right now though."

He shifted a little bit, just a bit closer. "You said it's the rings, right? Just help us collect the rest of them... I can do the rest."

Okay, so maybe that smile made spilling his guts worth it. Gabriel let out a breath that he didn't really need to hold. "Okay. That's.. that's fair." Not quite enough for him to dare to hope, but it was a start.

Eyebrows loft at that. "You can do the rest. So we procure some fancy jewelry and you just, what? Talk Luci into the big fall?"

If Sam was watching close enough, he could see the pieces fall into place behind his eyes. "Oh no. Nononono. No way, Jose."

"I doubt I can talk him into anything..." Trick him maybe, push him. He doesn't know, but he'll figure some way to drag him back down to Hell where he belongs... where he won't be able to hurt anyone else. He squares his jaw.

He hadn't exactly expected agreement here, but the fact was... "It's my mess to clean up. I'm not letting anyone else take the fall for me, you know? Not you, not Dean... no one can protect me from this."

Stricken, Gabriel looked down. Lucifer got his revenge after all, he found way to hurt Gabriel more than he could on his own. Give Gabriel a few moments of happiness with the human he loved and then force him to watch as he snatched him away. It didn’t matter than what they’d shared in the motel had been coerced, it had been real enough for him. A moment to show Sam that he was loved, even knowing that it wasn’t returned.

“He’s my family Sam. That means he’s my responsibility too.” But he couldn’t beg him to change his mind, beg him to just stay.

“All right. Just.. tell me what you need me to do,”Gabriel will do his part. Whatever Sam asked, because he loved him. Later he’ll find a quiet place to let his grace keen out it’s distress, but only when he’s alone.

"You're helping enough with the rings." He smiles sadly. He didn't exactly want to do what he was planning and if there was a way to get him in without sacrificing anyone... Sam was all ears. He didn't think that was going to be the case though.

But there was one thing he could do, he figured. One thing for Gabriel and one thing to maybe help himself figure out some things. Loving someone else, having someone love him... it hadn't even been on his list of things that might happen before the end. He didn't know how to deal with it now, not when he pretty much figured he wasn't getting out alive.

"You can, uh... if you want, you can stick around awhile? Keep me company. I'm not... really ready to go talk to Dean yet." This might be a horrifically bad idea after the coercion earlier, but... part of him stubbornly didn't want the devil to win this one too. "We kind of had to skip dinner and go straight to bed anyway."

His answering smile was brittle, threatening to come apart as he shook his head. “No, kiddo. No it’s not enough. But I’ll do it. I’ll help you get the rings.” Lucifer won. He got what he wanted. Even if he wound up in the Cage again, he’d done what he’d set out to do in that hotel.

And Sam was still fighting it, still finding ways to turn it around so he didn’t win. Gabriel was going to lose him in the end, one way or the other. The smart thing would be to shut it all down, tuck away those feelings and ignore them. He’d done the same when he fled Heaven, but this time he didn’t have it in him. Gabriel couldn’t pretend that what he felt for Sam wasn’t there, especially after what had happened.

Gabriel nodded. “Okay. I.. I’d like that Sam.” Because he’d stay. He’d stay right until the bitter end if Sam wanted him to. “There’s a diner up the street. Coffee?”

"Yeah... let's go." He slipped his hands into his pockets and moved to Gabriel's side to start walking. Driving meant he had to go grab the keys and a walk didn't really bother him all that much anyway. He had no idea what to say all of a sudden. There was tension just underneath the surface and he wasn't going to lie and tell himself it was all just because of what Lucifer made them do earlier. He knew he was at least partly to blame with what he brought up earlier.

Might've been better to save the ring talk for later.

Shaking those thoughts off for now, he gave a brief look over. "Look... I'm sorry. I wish things could be different."

He fell into step beside Sam, leaving him to his thoughts for a moment. There was more than a little tension in the silence, but what was there to be said? Maybe he shouldn’t have told Sam how he felt. It wasn’t fair to put that on him, to know that Gabriel loved him when he didn’t feel the same. Sure, it meant something to show Sam that he cared, but it was just one extra stress on someone who didn’t deserve it.

Knowing he was going to sacrifice himself to stop his brother didn’t help matters much either.

“You don’t have to apologize. I, ah, I wish they could be different too, but they’re not.”

They pulled to a stop at the crosswalk before Gabriel spoke again. “Do me one favor Sam. Don’t think that’s the only way out. There’s got to be another way. Just.. let me look. Please."

"I'm not talking about the... way you feel or the way I feel, you know." Despite being the brother more open to talking, Sam felt like he was kind of at a loss here. He didn't know how to go about this conversation, but leaving it hanging wasn't doing them any good either.

Besides, it kind of tied into what Gabriel was asking him to do anyway. "I'm sorry because I don't think we'll get the time to really work on anything or... or explore this, whatever it is. You can look, but I really don't think you'll find anything."

Because they weren't ever that lucky, were they? "And I'm not letting anyone else die because of me. No one else is handling Lucifer."

For one wildly impulsive moment, Gabriel considered going back, taking on Lucifer and ending this once and for all. Sure he might die in the process, but if he could save Sam, it would be worth it. Sam could hate him for it, but he’d at least be alive to do it.

He tore his gaze away from Sam and back to the road they were walking along. Better if Sam didn’t see how much the whole conversation, awkward as it was, hurt him. Because figuring things out meant that maybe they could have.. had something, salvaged something from the disaster at the hotel. He huffed out a breath, rolling his shoulders. Pull it together, damnit.

“Don’t look to make that jump Sam. Not yet. ‘s all I’m asking. Nothing else.” He pulled open the door to the little diner, walking straight back to one of the rear booths. Probably the best privacy that they could get given the location.

“You don’t feel the same. It’s okay. Don’t let that classic Winchester guilt take over,” the levity is faint and more than a little forced. “I’m a big boy.”

"I'm not doing anything," He sighed as he settled into the booth across from Gabriel, hands absently resting against the table. He waited until the waitress who brought their menus and took their drink order left before he even thought about speaking. Sam wasn't entirely sure how much privacy they were going to get here, but it was late and there weren't too many people around them right now, so there was that.

"You're putting words into my mouth. I don't tend to really let myself think about stuff like that anymore, you know? I mean, my relationships don't last and it's too easy for me to get people hurt." His expression saddened a little. as he met the angel's eyes. "Look, we aren't even technically together and you still got dragged into something horrible."

“Fair point.” Gabriel spread his hands on the table, considering them for a moment. Maybe it had been easier to think that Sam simply didn’t want him because in the end, nobody really did. He was the outsider, the Trickster. Trusted by none and only tolerated by most, but never actively sought out. It was eaiser to think that way. It wasn’t fair, but if he let himself believe that Sam didn’t feel the same, it would be easier to let him go.

“I could say the same thing Sam,” he countered after a moment. “Lucifer used the situation to get at both of us. There was a time, back in the beginning, that we were so close you couldn’t tell where he ended and I began. I loved him more than anything in Heaven and Earth.” A mournful smile ghosted across his face. “We came up with the platypus as a gag. Dad.. he liked it so much he breathed life into it.”

“Lucifer’s always known how to hurt me. That’s because he loved me once. This was just a double whammy on his part.”

Gabriel picked up his coffee, distracted enough to neglect adding his usual cup of sugar to the brew. “I know this whole thing blindsided you. It’s not fair to ask you to make any decisions about any of it, so I’m not gonna. Only thing I’m going to ask is that you let me look. Let me try and find some other way to stuff him back in the Cage. Give me the time to at least try.”

Sam's expression softened. He wasn't a stranger to that... how easy it was for brothers to hurt one another. When you knew someone so well... you knew which parts to hit that would hurt the worse. Sam still didn't like that it had to be him that was used in all of this... didn't enjoy being the one to hurt Gabriel. It was... difficult to picture too, Lucifer being anything other than what he was now.

Actually joking, caring about someone other than himself, his own ends.

"See?" he huffed out a laugh that was so far from amused. "It's just... the guy who came up with the platypus is the same guy telling me he loves me. I mean, you're an angel. I used to pray to you guys, pray to God-- before I knew what a lot of you are like." Before he realized most of them probably weren't listening to him anyway, because he's been tainted since his crib, set on one destiny.

He shook his head and cradled his coffee cup in his hands, not quite drinking from it yet. "I'm not doing anything yet. We don't even have all the rings."

That’s what made all of this so difficult for Gabriel, really. Resolving the brother he’d known and adored with the twisted and frozen grace of the brother he’d just seen. He hated what he’d become, what Hell had twisted him into, but he was still his brother. Gabriel had fled heaven before Lucifer had been cast down. Watching Michael shatter his wings, curse them, it had been his own breaking point. Heaven stopped being home.

Gabriel snorted. “I’m a runaway. An archangel who abandoned Heaven because I couldn’t stand the fighting anymore and spent the next few hundred years hiding out as a Trickster. Not really an angel, not really a pagan. Humans.. you guys are better than us. You always have been. I know we’ve got the whole ancient and non-corporeal thing going on, but there’s a reason humans have always been Dad’s favorite. You adapt, you learn, you forgive – things we never learned how to do.”

“Angels were given free will, just like people. The problem was, it was different. So only a handful of us ever figured out what to do with it. The rest.. they’re stuck. Statues frozen in ice. They’ve forgotten what our job was. That we were created in love to act as shepherds. Not look like accountants from hell.”

And he’d argue about that percieved taint. Sure there was a hint of demon blood in him, but the fact that he was still a good man, a bright soul, that only made him more remarkable in Gabriel’s mind.

.. but he was probably biased anyway.

"But still... most humans don't get this and yeah, I know my life isn't exactly normal. It's still... I don't know." But it was good to hear the vote of confidence in humans as a whole, to know that Gabriel was really on their side this time and not insisting they play their roles. They were roles Sam didn't want to play. He didn't want to fight Dean, didn't want any more death on his hands than necessary... certainly not half the earth.

"Maybe after all this... maybe they can change too." Sam wasn't as hopeful, but he'd seen Cas change for the better. He'd seen Gabriel change as well. Maybe they could help them or maybe it was a fool's hope. Either way, if they really locked Lucifer back up and God really didn't care enough to come back? They were going to be lost.

"What do you think you'll do after all this is over?"

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